and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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