We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
