I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
