i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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