Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
