After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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