I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
