the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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