Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
