$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
