I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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