Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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