well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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