things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
