So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
