hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
