It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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