Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He shit in the fireplace
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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