Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
