Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
