shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
