It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
