South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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