He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
