Having a random hookup so left but love u
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
