I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
