So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
