why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize