You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize