dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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