Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
