i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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