Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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