my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
