She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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