I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize