She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
