I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So much rum. So many feels.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
