Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
