My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
