He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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