Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
