i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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