Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
