I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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