VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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