So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
