You're so nebulous sometimes
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
bring money and cleavage
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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