The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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