My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
