Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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