Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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