well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
