have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
