I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
