Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize