I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
