All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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