This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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