sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
