two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
did i just pee glitter
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
